And Then There Were Two

Another class discussion regarding single parenting and the PRWORA....

2009-05-09T18:59:00.007-05:00

I was asked by a classmate if I feel that the state should emphasize eventual self-sufficiency among able-bodied welfare recipients. My classmate is a single father. Names have been removed from my response, which follows.

Incidentally, [classmate], I have VERY strong feelings both for and against the Personal Responsibility and Work Opportunities Reconciliation Act of 1996 (welfare reform, work-fare). The whole purpose of this set of reforms was to encourage adults in need to work to become self sufficient, AS WE ALL SHOULD. Lord knows I do. The problem comes when one is working enough to no longer qualify for assistance, but doesn't make nearly enough money to support a family. That's where I am now. I make $10/hour, 40 hours/week. That's $1600 a month. But then I have to pay rent, utilities, car payment, auto insurance, preschool/daycare, and we all have to eat. There's no way to do all of that on a mere $1600 a month (gross). We get by, because I have taken out some substantial student loans, and they make up the difference very nicely (until I get hospitalized for a brown recluse bite, and the post-discharge wound healing care costs me $5k). So, while I am nowhere near able to support my family, I am also not eligible for assistance, because I make too much money. It's frustrating. On one hand, you think "wow. I could support my family MORE if I just stopped working and lived on government assistance." On the other hand, you know that wouldn't work either.

The issue with the welfare reform act is that it requires 35 hours per week of work or work-related activity. Childcare assistance is available if the parent is actively working, but not typically before. It has often been removed without cause after a job loss, leaving mom or dad without child care while they look for another job. I've been in that spot. I can't get childcare until I get a job, but I can't go to interviews without childcare. It's a nasty catch 22.

My single biggest complaint with the PRWORA of 1996 is that, while job-related education can be included in one's "work-related activity" college is only allowed for 12 months. One year. One. This is nowhere near enough time to pursue a usable education. Endless research has been done on poverty, single-parent families, and education. It all leads to the same conclusion: Those of us who can complete at least an Associate's Degree, are able to move out of poverty and never return. We are able to raise children who will also go to college and will not live below the poverty line as adults, and that trend continues generationally. Yet, we cannot get government (or private, typically) assistance to raise our children, house them, feed them, and clothe them so that we can focus our energies on parenting and pursuing the education that will ensure our permanent exit from the welfare roles. It's a travesty, in my opinion.

While my research and efforts have been focused on single mothers, I am hoping that I can eventually find a team of single and formerly single fathers to enact a similar program for men. I am ill-equipped for such a program, because the focus of our program is going to be that each single mother is mentored by a mom who has been in her shoes. I want the same for single dads, but my girls are, well, mothers.

One disturbing trend that I have seen in this (single parents) community, is the tendency to downplay the roll of the father, and to forget that some children are raised by single DADS. I try to remind my girls that men struggle too, and they're not all bad. Heck, in my experience, even in my experiences with some pretty foul men, I have found that most men are nowhere near as bad as most women seem to think they are! Hang in there, brother. You're on your way to doing the best thing you can possibly do for your son: Giving him a positive roll model with a solid education.

There is more information on my feelings about welfare reform, as well as a copy of the paper I had published this year, at my blog: katie-darling@blogspot.com One of these days, I will update it again!

I suppose I updated again, didn't I?

Preventing Poverty Among Single Mothers Through Access to Postsecondary Education

2008-09-09T01:29:00.000-05:00

“A good education is key to unlocking the promise of today’s economy in the 21^st century. Without it, people are at an ever-increasing risk of falling behind” (Bill Clinton, 1995 as quoted in Center for Women Policy Studies, 2002). Two years after this statement was made, Bill Clinton went on to assert that “we must make the first two years of college – the 13^th and 14^th years of education – as universal for young Americans as the first 12 are today. And, we must make college affordable for all Americans” (Bill Clinton, 1997, as quoted in Center for Women Policy Studies, 2002). Then-President Bill Clinton made a very good point with these statements: a college education is an integral part of American life, and without it, the chances for a life above the poverty line decrease drastically. This same president, in the year between the two statements quoted here, signed into law the Personal Responsibility and Work Opportunity Reconciliation Act of 1996, which most Americans are familiar with by its moniker “welfare-to-work” or “workfare.” The idea of the workfare programs is that any job or work-related activity is the key to getting out of poverty, but in reality, these programs work neither to prevent nor repair the problem of poverty. The best prevention was noted above by Mr. Clinton: education, and more specifically, college education.

Even the man who most touted the welfare-to-work reforms understood the value of education in socio-economic achievement, as is evident by his statement that those without this level of education are at risk of falling behind. More importantly, “reports from the Bureau of Labor Statistics consistently show that the median weekly earnings of female college graduates are at least two-and-a-half times those of women without a high school diploma” (Pandey & Zhan, 2007, p. 5). Moreover, almost half of all single mothers living below the poverty line have not completed even high school ( DeGroat, 1998; Kahne, 2004; Pandey & Zhan, 2007; Tenkin, 2007). Studies have shown that “eighty-eight percent of women who finish their college degree move permanently out of poverty” (Lane, 2008). The lesser-known fact about the welfare reforms of 1996 is that, in addition to requiring 35 weekly hours of work-related activities, it limits recipients’ education to twelve months while on the programs, and it specifically excludes college education as a work-related activity (Center for Women Policy Studies, 2008; Lane, 2008; Pandey & Zhan, 2007).

I would argue that access to postsecondary education for single mothers is not just the answer to an existing problem, but also a means of preventing the problem in the first place. There are around ten million single mothers in this country (US Census Bureau, 2006), and of these women, about half live below the poverty level (DeGroat, 1998; Kahne, 2004; Tenkin, 2007). This means that there are somewhere around 2.5 million American mothers with no high school degree, and at least another 2.5 million who have completed high school but never attended college. These women live in poverty largely because, as former President Clinton noted, a college education is the key to success in America. This education, however, is inaccessible to the younger single mothers who require government assistance to meet their daily needs, and therefore are subject to the welfare-to-work policies.

A program to provide a college education to these women is not as costly as the opposition would have us believe. The cost of a full year’s tuition for a community college is around $2,000 (Lazarony, 2005). If we assume that each of the 5 million single mothers in poverty took advantage of a government-funded community college degree program, the cost would amount to ten billion dollars annually. While this amount seems monumental and expensive at a glance, it is a small price when compared to the $112 billion that the government typically spends in a single year to support single-parent families through welfare programs (Scafidi, 2008).

What this country needs, more than further workfare regulations limiting a single mother’s access to education, is a comprehensive education program that will give young people, mothers or otherwise, the opportunity to complete their college education. This would serve as a primary means of preventing education-influenced poverty in the first place. However, since we know that there are currently around five million single mothers living in poverty largely because they have not completed their educations, I propose that we must start there. Socio-economic mobility is influenced more by education than by work experience in modern America, and education is the surest way to ensure that single mothers can break out of poverty (Pandey & Zhan 2007). The short-term expense is significantly lower than the long-term cost of maintaining welfare benefits for these families. In 20^th century America, we were told that education was the key to success. Surely in 21^st century America, we can help people obtain this education and achieve success and self-sufficiency.

References

Center for Women Policy Studies (2002). From poverty to self-sufficiency: the role of postsecondary education in welfare reform. Retrieved September 8, 2008, from http://www.centerwomenpolicy.org/pdfs/POV1.pdf

DeGroat, B. (1998, November 23). Many single mothers on welfare face multiple barriers to employment, U-M researchers say. The University Record. Retrieved July 21, 2008, from http://www.ur.umich.edu/9899/Nov23_98/28.htm

Kahne, H. (2004, December). Low-wage single-mother families in this jobless recovery: can improved social policies help?. Analyses of Social Issues and Public Policy, 4(1), 47-68. Retrieved July 18, 2008 from EBSCOhost Database

Lane, M. (2008, August). Want to reduce poverty? Expand education access. Retrieved September 8, 2008, from http://www.dmiblog.com/archives/2008/08/to_reduce_poverty_expand_educa.html

Lazarony, L. (2005). Community college: a stepping stone to higher-education savings. Retrieved September 8, 2008, from http://www.bankrate.com/brm/news/pf/20020225a.asp

Pandey, S. & Zhan, M. (2007). Postsecondary education, marital status, and economic well-being of women with children. Social Development Issues, 29(1), 1-26. Retrieved July 23, 2008, from EBSCOhost Database.

Scafidi, B. (2008). The taxpayer costs of divorce and unwedchildbearing. New York, NY: Institute for American Family Values.

Tenkin, E. (2007, April). Single mothers working at night: standard work and child care subsidies. Economic Inquiry, 45(2), 231-250. Retrieved July 30, 2008, from EBSCOhost Database.

U.S. Census Bureau. (2006, March). Mothers Day: May 14, 2006. Retrieved September 8, 2008, from http://www.census.gov/Press-Release/www/releases/archives/facts_for_features_special_edition

Child Care Concerns: The Personal Responsibility and Work Opportunity Reconcilliation Act of 1996, TANF, and Work First in Mississippi

2008-08-11T01:08:00.000-05:00

“The Personal Responsibility and Work Opportunity Reconciliation Act (PRWORA) signed into law in August of 1996 (PL 104-193) shifted the focus of public assistance from long-term preparation for work to immediate job placement” (Parisi et. al., p. 66). While the focus of this program is to find employment for low-income families so that they may become self-sufficient, there is much criticism of this program, especially in the poorest state in the Nation: Mississippi (Deparle, 1997). In an article written for the New York Times, Jason Deparle outlines the struggle of several poor single mothers in Mississippi, and it seems that their struggle hinges on more than just gaining employment. Their struggle on this program seems to hinge upon the issue of child care (What About Mississippi?, 1997). While no one will argue that it is important that low-income families earn wages through jobs, policies need to accommodate more than just the employment status of low-income single-mother families.

Personal Responsibility and Work Opportunity Reconciliation Act of 1996, TANF, and “Work First”

In Mississippi, Bill 766 authorized the Mississippi Department of Human Services (DHS) to implement a program known as the Temporary Assistance for Needy Families (TANF) Work Program (TWP) (Paris et. al. 2005). The idea behind the TWP is that any job is better than no job, even if the wages earned from that job are substandard or the hours are not compatible with the family life. A sub-program of the Personal Responsibility and Work Opportunity Reconciliation Act of 1996, this welfare-to-work program is designed to get low-income families off of welfare and into the work force, but in the impoverished state of Mississippi, this program seems to do more harm than good.

According to Clare Nolan (2000), “If the overhaul of the nation’s welfare system meant poor families would replace public aid with paychecks, that has not occurred in Mississippi” (para. 1). In fact, only 18-25% of Mississippi’s former welfare recipients have found full time employment. (Parisi et. al. 2005; Nolan, 2000). The Mississippi program requires that a participant spend 35 hours a week looking for work or accept a job offer regardless of the hours and wages or risk losing any benefits received, not just for the individual, but for the entire family (Nolan, 2000; Deparle, 1997). This policy does not take the problem of child care into account at all.

What happens to the families on the Work First program in Mississippi?

According to Jason Deparle (1997), “mother dropped from the welfare rolls are now turning to relatives, boyfriends or other Federal programs – most notably disability payments” (para. 3). Mr. Deparle followed the stories of several mothers thus affected by removal from welfare rolls in Mississippi. One woman who lost her benefits moved in with her sister “raising the number of children in the two-bedroom house to 15” (Deparle, 1997, para. 4). Another woman accepted a job at a catfish-processing plant but refused to return to work when her babysitter did not know where her six-year-old daughter was. (Deparle, 1997). Scenarios like these only illustrate the need for quality childcare among these women, but the program does not provide for these needs.

As I have previously reported, Mississippi has a federally subsidized program designed to help with the expenses of childcare wherein a parent would pay a co-pay, or a small portion of the expense of childcare so that she can work. This program, however, does not cover childcare while the parent-beneficiary searches for a job for the minimum 35 hours per week. In its requirement that a parent accept any offer of employment, the program also fails to consider the hours of available jobs and whether or not the hours of available childcare will coincide. As was pointed out by Parisi et. al. in the Journal of Poverty (2005), “many childcare facilities do not operate during the night hours that low-income parents are at work . . . This forced many low-income people to leave their children in informal childcare arrangements that lack educational and safety standards” (p. 76). If the parent can find no suitable informal arrangement, what is he or she to do? A single mother who can find no childcare to apply for jobs or accept an offer of second or third shift employment will still lose all of her benefits for her entire family. Additionally, Nolan (2000) reminds us that “only eight percent of eligible children receive subsidized child care [once the parent obtains work]” (para. 39).

A Change is Needed

Despite Mississippi’s experience with the ineffectiveness of the Work First program, Mississippi’s program does not change. Parisi, Harris, Grice, Taquino, and Gill (2005), suggest that “welfare reform comes with an obligation to assure that those who are in need receive adequate assistance so that they do not fall further behind due to forces beyond their control” (p. 79). What does this mean for the future of Mississippi’s welfare-to-work programs? I submit that the Department of Human Services, who administers these programs and the Mississippi Child Care Development Fund need to re-examine the state of childcare in Mississippi. Childcare needs to be available for these families around the clock throughout all stages of employment. If a woman is required to spend 35 hours each week away from her children searching for work lest she lose the food stamps that feed her children, she needs to be provided with care for her children during this period. If she must accept any offer of employment regardless of hours and scheduling, then she must be assured of quality childcare during the hours she will be required to work. Only if parents can be assured of adequate childcare can a welfare-to-work program such as the one in Mississippi succeed.

References

Deparle, J. (1997, October). What about Mississippi?: a special report.; welfare law weights heavy in delta, where jobs are few. New York Times Online Archives. Retrieved August 6, 2008, from http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?res=9B05EED6153FF935A25753C1A961958260

Nolan, C. (2000, April), Mississippi poor leave welfare, but for what?. Stateline. Retrieved August 6, 2008, from http://www.stateline.org/live/ViewPage.action?siteNodeId=136&languageId=1&contentId=13992.

Parisi, D., Harris, D., Grice, S., Taquino, M., & Gill, D. (2005, March). Does the TANF work-first initiative help low-income families make successful welfare-to-work transitions?. Journal of Poverty, 9(1), 65-81. Retrieved August 6, 2008 from EBSCOhost Database.

Further from school

2008-08-05T02:11:00.003-05:00

Following up on my follow-up post. Ha! My teacher and I were discussing the concept of a community-funded scholarship program. She mentioned that she liked the idea. My response follows:

I love the community scholarship idea. I have seen it work on a smaller scale, and I've seen the HUGE donation drives done by most of the major medical charities (Susan G. Komen, American Heart Association, etc). If they can get substantial funding by having "donate a dollar" drives in grocery stores, I think it could work for childcare. It's been argued that the cancer research groups and children's charities do so well on those particular drives because they are so sensational, but I believe that, particularly with the in-store drives, they get so much "donate a dollar" participation at the point-of-sale because people are prone to impulse-spending at the registers. When the cashier says "would you like to donate a dollar to [charity]?" people seem to think "it's only a dollar" more than they think "I can save the world."

If the average cost of child care is $6,000 a year, a scholarship fund covered 50% of the cost, and a donation drive made, say, $3M, we could provide childcare to a thousand children. Another idea is that we could cut the amount of the federal subsidy. The vouchers on the MS Gulf Coast cut our child care expense down to about $30 a week, on average, meaning that, on average, it covers 2/3 of the cost of child care for qualifying families, but currently has a six-month waiting list. If it covered 1/3 of the cost for families using the scholarship, and a community scholarship covered 1/3 for the families using the CCDF program (childcare vouchers), and if we earmarked half of our donated funding for families on the CCDF program, we could assist with 750 CCDF families.

The other $1.5M could be used, then, to cover part of the childcare expense for families who are actively looking for work. At 50% of the cost, we could still fund many families, and then transition them to a combined CCDF/Community Scholarship program once they have an income. The federally funded vouchers would stretch MUCH further, and I believe the employment rates of low-income parents would increase significantly as a result.

Next post: Government Regulations and Standards: How the impact the state of childcare among single mothers on the Gulf Coast.

A follow-up to Single Mothers on the Mississippi Gulf Coast. In response to an assignment on differentiating between public and private organizations

2008-08-05T02:09:00.001-05:00

The general policy in Mississippi regarding child care is to ensure that all families have access to safe, affordable childcare in a quality environment. In a public setting, the child care voucher system, sponsored by the government allows families meeting certain qualifications (proof of income and child support compliance, proof of employment or full-time student status) to receive vouchers that cover part of their childcare expenses in private facilities. As an alternative, families may use the head start schools. Some of these are maintained by the government, and others are maintained by private institutions, usually churches. A third option is to use the cooperative groups formed in many communities where parents trade child care services for each other, each family taking charge of the co-op's children on one day of the week.

None of these fully meet the needs of the community. The voucher system in Mississippi is flawed. Funds are not distributed evenly, and vouchers are frequently terminated before the mandated cut-off date after a parent loses his or her job. The Head Start program is almost always full. Both of these programs have long waiting lists. Cooperative child care arrangements are wonderful in theory. In practice, it is almost impossible for parents to find a co-op that isn't at capacity, and, if they can find a group. they must arrange their schedules so that they will be free to watch all of the children on their allotted days.

Aside from lobbying for a change in the state and federal policies, I would like to see a concerted effort put into fund-raising for child care programs or scholarships on a community level. Most of the people in the local communities would gladly donate spare change to such a cause, and wealthier members would be able, and likely willing, to donate substantially more.

Single Mothers in Poverty on the Mississippi Gulf Coast: the childcare connundrum.

2008-07-30T20:58:00.002-05:00

Throughout America, fully a third of all single-mother families live at or below the poverty level (Marriage and Family Encyclopedia, N.D.). This harsh reality may have even more striking effects on the Mississippi Gulf Coast which is still recovering, almost three years later, from the devastating effects of Hurricane Katrina. When housing is short, and jobs are scarce, single mothers may face even greater challenges than normal. According to the Marriage and Family Encyclopedia, “for single parents the housing/employment issue is one of affordability and geographic proximity and access to jobs that pay a living wage” (Economics of Single-Parent Family Life, para. 1). Single mothers face more than just the challenge of housing and employment however.

Perhaps the lynchpin to the plan for breaking the poverty barrier is access to affordable childcare. Without childcare, a single mother cannot possibly spend hours a week at work or at school, and she most certainly cannot do both. The average cost of childcare in the United States is $679 monthly for infants and toddlers, with an average cost in Mississippi of $500 a month. (Baby Center). While the cost decreases slightly once a child is pre-school aged, it only decreases to an average cost of $535 per month nationally and $417 per month locally (Baby Center). When a woman’s average weekly earnings are somewhere between $332 and $707 (Pandey &Zhan, 2007) according to education levels, how is she to accomplish the goal of maintaining suitable childcare?

Child Care and Development Fund
Mississippi provides the Child Care and Development Fund (CCDF) program for its poor families. The CCDF is “a federally-funded program designed to provide quality child care services to eligible families of children transitioning off Transitional Child Care (TCC), children at-risk of going on TANF (Temporary Assistance for Needy Families) and children of all other eligible parents who meet the work and educational requirements set by the Mississippi Department of Human Services - Office for Children and Youth” (Child Care and Development Fund Program, p. 1). To qualify for this program, a family must not exceed the maximum income requirements. They must provide the CCDP with a birth certificate and social security card for the child and a full month’s worth of pay stubs including any additional income for working parents or an income statement and a letter from the registrar’s office for full-time students (Child Care and Development Fund). The program, whose goal is “to increase the availability, afford-ability, and quality of child care services” (Child Care and Development Fund Program, p. 1), issues a child care certificate to the parents who then pay a co-pay to an approved facility (Child Care and Development Fund).

Starting in 2004, the CCDF required proof of compliance with Mississippi child support regulations. When this policy was enacted, the waiting list for assistance from the CCDF dropped dramatically (Mississippi Low-Income Child Care Initiative). While most people agree that child support is necessary or, at a minimum, beneficial to the poor single-mother family, there are many women who shy away from the CCDF program because of this requirement, and their reasons may be very valid ones. The Mississippi Low-Income Child Care initiative states:

However, we heard many stories of instances where fathers who were supporting their children voluntarily lost their jobs when child support payments were taken out of their paychecks. There are also instances where the father is unknown or his whereabouts are unknown. Finally, while there is an exception to the requirement in cases of abuse, this exception is not adequately publicized, and many women shy away from CCDF assistance because they are fearful of the child support requirement. (Key Reforms, p. 1)

Additionally, the Mississippi Low-Income Child Care Initiative notes several areas where the regulations of the CCDF are applied inconsistently or incorrectly. There is an inconsistent application of the continued coverage for thirty days after a parent loses his or her job. ”It appears that [three district-level programs] generally give parents 30 days to find work before terminating their certificates. The responses in the other districts varied from immediate termination to 10 days to 2 weeks to 30 days or longer” (Key Reforms, p. 2) The Initiative goes on to describe these inconsistencies: “The variety of responses is inappropriate. This is an objective policy that should be enforced uniformly throughout the state. Parents have 10 days to notify the DA of a loss of job and 30 days to find a new one before losing their certificates. Under no circumstances should a parent be terminated immediately upon losing her job” (Key Reforms, p. 2)

As an alternative to the problems they may face, many women are choosing instead to place their young children in the State’s Head Start program, which has no child support requirements, and tends to be consistently accessible to working parents (Mississippi Low-Income Child Care Initiative, N.D.). Additionally, Head Start and Early Head Start programs do not require proof that the parent is working. In fact, only two-thirds of parents who use the Head Start programs are employed (Office of Haley Barbour, 2007).
Given the income of poor single mothers and the expense of child care, a single mother must find options to provide adequate care for her children in an affordable way. Programs do exist to provide this care, but she must weigh the options. Head Start schools limit the mother in terms of facility, as only Head Start schools are available as options for this program. In Mississippi, she may choose the CCDF program and pay a small percentage of the cost of care, but she must first prove that she is working and receiving child support, and even then, she may lose coverage if her job situation changes. The problem of child care remains a hurdle that many mothers find difficult, and it will likely remain such a hurdle unless and until more effective programs are instituted to assist low-income single mothers in raising their families.

References

Baby Center. (2007). How much you’ll spend on childcare. Retrieved July 25, 2008, from http://www.babycenter.com/0_how-much-youll-spend-on-childcare_1199776.bc

Child Care and Development Fund. (N.D). Child care and development fund (CCDF) program frequently asked questions – fact sheet. Retrieved July 23, 2008 from http://www.cmpdd.org/Childcare%20forms/FAQs.pdf

Marriage and Family Encyclopedia. (N.D.). Economics of single-parent family life. Retrieved July 21, 2008, from http://family.jrank.org/pages/1578/Single-Parent-Families-Economics-Single-Parent-Family-Life.html

Mississippi Low-Income Child Care Initiative. (N.D.). Key issues for reform in the Mississippi child care certificate program. Retrieved July 24, 2008, form http://www.mschildcare.org/key_reforms.pdf

Office of Haley Barbour. (2007). Mississippi early care and education programs: contact information and program data. Retrieved July 25, 2008, from http://www.governorbarbour.com/documents/EarlyCareandEducationInformation_000.pdf

Pandey S. & Zhan, M. (2007). Postsecondary education, marital status, and economic well-being of women with children. Social Development Issues, 29(1), 1-26, Retrieved July 23, 2008, from EBSCOhost Database.

MMA Training for the Significantly Overweight (as promised)

2008-07-30T20:08:00.003-05:00

“In 648 B.C.E., the Greeks introduced the sport of pankration” (Walter 2003, para 1). Pankration was essentially a combination of boxing and wrestling and is the basis of the current sport known as mixed martial arts, or MMA, which has been popularized in recent years due largely to the Ultimate Fighting Championships, or UFC. MMA is not just a spectator sport that showcases the talents of top competitors. It is also a wonderful mix of strength and cardio training that can be used as an exercise program for anyone who wants to learn. With the rise in American obesity, and the rise in popularity of MMA, many people are flocking to MMA training facilities, and many are encountering concerns about how their weight may affect their ability to train. Many of these concerns can be easily addressed through proper training techniques that will allow anyone to learn this sport. Despite the many concerns regarding injury rates and obesity, mixed martial arts training can be physically beneficial to the significantly overweight individual. It can become part of a diet and exercise program that will alter the body composition and change their lives for the better.

As more studies are done on the issue of obesity, it becomes evident that many health problems can manifest as a result of being significantly overweight. It is commonly known and understood that obese individuals are at a heightened risk of diabetes and heart disease, but studies also suggest that excess body weight puts one at a higher risk of injury. In fact, “a new study on the subject says about one out of every four obese people report personal injuries in men and about one out of every five obese women report the same. This may be compared to the one out of six normal weight men and one out of eight normal weight women who report such injuries” (Obesity can increase, para. 2). This heightened injury risk should be noted by a prospective fighter who is significantly overweight. If he or she goes into training armed with an awareness of this risk, its causes, and its manifestations then he or she may be more self-aware and better prepared to utilize proper training methods to avoid these injuries.

As many people know, “obesity can limit the amount of physical strain a person can take” (Obesity can increase, para. 5). Having excess body weight puts more strain on the bones and joints that move the body, and this strain adds up over time. Therefore, it is necessary for the obese fighter to monitor the amount of stress on his or her body to avoid overexertion.

The first and perhaps most widely recognized aspect of MMA is the stand-up fighting or striking. The most commonly used stand-up style is muay thai: the Thai art of kickboxing which uses punches and kicks as well as strikes from the knees and elbows. While many people perceive this as dangerous because of the bumps and bruises, there are certain other inherent risks to muay thai training when the fighter-trainee is significantly overweight.

For the fighter, the greatest risk is injury of the lower body’s joints. As a recent study by W. Gilleard and T. Smith (2007) noted, obesity is “a factor in reduced motion magnitude at the hip joint and the lumbar spine, possibly owing to a mechanical effect of interposing adipose tissue restricting joint range of motion” (p. 1). This means that an overambitious or overly forceful kick can cause strain and injury to the hip joints. The knees are also at risk for injury during training, as many kicks use a knee extension, and the technique of dodging and weaving to avoid punches requires significant and frequent bending at the knees. If the obese person has not been getting regular exercise to strengthen the lower body, the necessary muscles will be weak. “Weak quadriceps and hamstrings [and] poor alignment” are frequently the culprits of knee pain and injury” (Sherman 2006, para. 1). “The simplest ways to keep your knees healthy,” Alexa Joy Sherman (2006) advises, “include staying fit and maintaining an appropriate weight” (para. 2). These weak quadriceps, hamstrings, and lumbar spine areas are also quite prone to muscle strain when they are used vigorously, and MMA training is “more rigorous training than almost any other sport,” according to top UFC contender Chuck Liddell (as quoted in Walter 2003, para. 19). This is very normal, and as long as the obese person does not overexert himself or herself, these muscles will strengthen over time ([name removed for public posting], personal communication).

Another area of concern is the risk to the sparring partner that the obese person’s physical condition may affect. There is a common misconception that a higher body weight leads to more powerful striking. While “research has generally indicated that obese adults present with greater absolute strength and power of muscles of the trunk and lower extremity, the effect appears to be highly site-specific” (Byrne, Henning, Hills, Steele & Wearing, 2006, p. 2). Given the known musculoskeletal issues with obesity previously noted, this does not translate into more powerful strikes. Striking is not dependent on site-specific power, but on the body’s ability to create the right amount of force in the right position ([name removed for public posting], personal communication). There is more risk that the obese fighter will injure his or her sparring partner by misplacing kicks. Since the range of motion in the hips is limited, the leg often cannot hit the intended target with the necessary precision. This can often result in a kick that is intended for the thigh to impact the common peroneal nerve directly. It should be noted, though, that this mishap is common regardless of the size of the fighter. There is slightly more concern with the obese fighter, as his or her range of motion is inherently more limited than that of a person of average weight. ([name removed for public posting], Personal Communication).

Each of these problems can be avoided by proper muay thai training, which will enrich the obese person’s training experience in multiple ways. Training by using a heavy bag or a thai bag will help any fighter develop proper form before working with a partner. This is essential to the prevention of partner-injury, and it also provides the fighter-trainee with an excellent cardiovascular and muscular conditioning session. Using the speed bag and the double-end bag will develop precision in the punches. Once the trainee has enough precision, he or she can transition more easily to working with focus mitts and thai pads without running the risk of misplacing a punch and accidentally hitting a partner in the chest or face. ([name removed for public posting], personal communication). These things together provide a good, rounded kickboxing program for the obese person. Use of the bags to develop precision also strengthens the muscles of the lower body, and the repetition creates a greater range of motion in the hips and knees. ([name removed for public posting], personal communication). As part of a weight loss program, kickboxing is very effective, as it burns approximately 720 calories per hour. (If Your Goal Is, 2005, ).

The other part of MMA training is grappling which is most commonly presented in the form of Brazilian Jiu Jitsu. This is an art that involves submission of the opponent primarily via joint locks and chokes. When an obese person enters jiu jitsu training, there are a couple of things that must be considered. Due to the noted musculoskeletal concerns, many trainers believe that joint locks can cause greater injury to an obese trainee’s joints, and that the muscular stretching that occurs when these joint locks are applied will cause too much strain. ([name removed for public posting], personal communication). While these limitations will take time to overcome, there is much that the obese person can do to speed the process. Frequent stretching is required for any fighter but is even more important for the overweight individual whose range of motion and flexibility are limited. Yoga has been very effective for increasing flexibility, and is highly recommended by trainers. ([name removed for public posting], personal communication).

The other largest concern with jiu jitsu is that the obese person will lose his or her balance during a move, and will smother his or her opponent. ([name removed for public posting], personal communication). The easiest way to overcome this obstacle is by proper training. The training techniques used for muay thai will help build precision and balance, and the stretching exercises or yoga will help one to achieve flexibility. In addition to these, there are many solo jiu jitsu drills that will help the obese individual further condition his or her muscles and gain the necessary strength and precision to spar with a partner, or as it is called in jiu jitsu, to roll. Any certified jiu jitsu instructor can show the trainee a series of solo drills. ([name removed for public posting], personal communication).

Anyone can use these principles to learn MMA, but they are especially important for an obese person. It is important to remember to discuss these things with a potential instructor, as they will be able to tell the student which drills might benefit him or her most as well as how much experience the instructors have had addressing these issues through training before. In a good program with a qualified instructor, students can almost always lose weight and reshape their bodies. Schools that have tracked student weight loss have shown that students lost on “average [ten] pounds a month” (Orange County Jiu Jitsu and MMA, para.2). Many people have lost even more weight. D******S***** [name removed for public posting] (personal communication) lost 90 pounds in four months using the diet and training principles for MMA outlined by his trainer, J********T******** from D***** D******* Biloxi, MS [names removed for public posting]. I have personally lost 128 pounds in the last nine months using the training principles given by S**** B******, a professional MMA fighter of Georgia’s T***** B***** [names removed for public posting]. If the obese individual trains properly and exercises caution to avoid injury, this weight loss can be beneficial and even life changing.

References

Byrne, N.M., Hennig, E. M., Hills, A. P., Steele, J. R., & Steele, J. R. (2006, February). The biomechanics of restricted movement in adult obesity. Obesity Reviews, 7(1) 13-24. Retrieved June 11, 2008 from, EBSCOhost Database.

Gilleard, W. & Smith, T. (2007, February). Effect of obesity on posture and hip joint momentsduring a standing task, and trunk forward flexion motion. International Journal of Obesity, 31(2), 267-271. Retrieved June 11, 2008 from EBSCOhost Database.

If your goal is weight loss. (2005, March). Natural Health, 35(3), 84. Retrieved June 11, 2008, from EBSCOhost Database

Mink, R. (2008, March) A New Grip on Talent. The Washington Post, p. E01. Retrieved June 11, 2008, from http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2008/03/06/AR2008030603982.html

Obesity can increase the chances of injuries. (2005, July). The American Journal of Preventive Medicine. Retrieved June 2, 2008, from www.bio-medicine.org/medicine-news/Obesity-Can-Increase-The-Chance-Of-Inuries-4024-1/

Orange County Jiu Jitsu and MMA. You will change with our training. Retrieved June 11, 2008, from http://www.ocjj.com/index

Sherman, A. J. (2006, September). Strong in the knees. Natural Health, 36(8), 45-48. Retrieved June 11, 2008, from EBSCOhost Daabase.

Walter, D. F. (2003, December). Mixed martial arts: ultimate sport or ultimately illegal? Retrieved Jun 11, 2008, from http://www.grapplearts.com/Mixed-Martial-Arts-1.htm

Here I am! Really.

2008-07-30T20:04:00.000-05:00

I am back. And about to spam you, oh blogosphere.

On training and obesity

2008-04-07T12:02:00.003-05:00

I was looking for some articles, studies, or SOMETHING to help me build on. See? I promised a couple of people I would write about training for MMA when one is severely overweight. All I can find is the general consensus that martial arts are great for combating the obesity epidemic, especially in children, and can keep you from getting fat. Also, cardio kickboxing is a good aerobic workout. Really? Who knew?

So, where does that leave those of us who are ALREADY significantly overweight? For now, I suppose that leaves us with my own, sometimes humiliating story. I hope you're okay with that! The thing is, training martial arts - ANY martial art - is a great way to work out. It's fun, it burns a LOT of calories, and eventually, if you stick with it, it WILL get you into shape. As a bonus, you're learning to defend yourself, which is especially beneficial to us girls! Another bonus? Since each class and each training session is different, it never gets boring the way getting on a treadmill does. I find that I am actually LOOKING FORWARD to working out, which has NEVER happened before! I miss it when I don't go.

Yeah, my size makes me a little self-conscious, okay, a LOT self-conscious, but that's okay. I need to learn to deal with myself anyway. This is just another way for me to do that! And while I am learning to accept my limitations and my size, I am finding that I am shrinking and more mobile. I have more energy, and I have more confidence. In fact, I am doing so well that I went completely insane and signed up to run a 5k at the end of June. I start training for THAT today as well!

So, here you go, my fellow obese women who want to fight. Here's where to start.

You'll find some schools that guarantee us they will get the weight off. But here, we have to be cautious, because, let's face it, we're fat and out of shape, and martial arts of any sort carry a risk of injury, perhaps even higher than the risks associated with just going to the gym, getting our fat butts on the treadmill, and sweating it off the old fashioned way.

On the flip side, we'll find some schools that are of the opinion that sports like muay thai and jiu jitsu are NOT for "heavyset people." Why? Well, with muay thai, there is again that risk of injury. With jiu jitsu, a lot of instructors are afraid that we will basically LITERALLY crush our opponents. This is also complete crap.

So the first step is finding a school or an instructor that will work with you where you are and help you get where you want to go. Make sure they're certified, and definitely tell them about any mobility problems you may have. Ask them specifically if your weight poses any problems with the classes, and don't be offended if it does. I've been learning jiu jitsu since NOVEMBER, and I still can't participate in the "rolling" portions of the classes. The only time I get hands-on jiu jitsu training is when I visit my boyfriend once a month (note: he is a trained instructor. I am not just sparring willy-nilly there!!) I have been learning muay thai for the same amount of time, and I am still not allowed to spar in my school, and mostly because of my size. This is NOT because I am fat and stupid, but because, the heavier one is, the greater the risk of injury they have.

Also, discuss your personal goals with the instructor. Do you want to lose weight? Do you want to learn self-defense? Are you a psycho like me who ACTUALLY wants to get in a ring and fight? Talk these things over with them so that they know what you are aiming for and can help you achieve your goals.

It's also a good idea to just have a little chat with each of the instructors and make sure you get along. If there is, say, one out of five instructors that you DON'T mesh with, that's a pretty good thing (unless he's the ONLY one teaching the class you want to take. Then it's time to go elsewhere!).

Okay, let me correct myself. THE FIRST STEP TO TRAINING IS TO CHECK WITH YOUR DOCTOR AND MAKE SURE YOU ARE OKAY TO WORK OUT. This applies to ANY program though.

Once you've talked to the instructors, try a class. Most gyms and schools will give you at least one free day to try them out. If they don't, please go elsewhere. Remember that you will likely be signing up for a YEAR of training, and you don't want to get roped into paying a hundred bucks a month or so on a school that doesn't work for you.

And that's my first post about training. I'll give you more later, but right now, I have to run to the gym to train!

I'll be good this time. I promise!

2008-03-31T07:58:00.002-05:00

I am back, and I am going to try to start updating daily. We'll see how that goes over time, but for now, I am back.

Here's the news for you.

A little over a month ago, my ex took a job out of town. In so doing, he actually lost me a very good job, because I had no childcare. So I found a friend to babysit for cheap, and I started cleaning houses. It's REALLY hard to make money when you only have a babysitter sixteen hours a week, though.

He was supposed to be gone for six months. He's back. So today, I hunt for full-time employment.

Last week was FUN. Well, it was fun if you like being totally screwed.

Tuesday night, my truck died the bad death. Which bad death? The blown head gasket, dead starter, and cracked water pump bad death. At eleven at night. In 30-degree cold. With a sleeping baby in the back.

Shit.

Got rescued from the side of the road, and started the search for a new car. Okay, not really in that order. Got rescued from the side of the road. Got Jack to bed. Slept. Woke up. Went to meet the tow truck. Got the bill for the needed repairs. Cried. THEN started the hunt for a new car.

I ended up getting a 1995 Subaru Legacy. She's quirky as hell, but she runs great. I have to take her back over to the dealership tomorrow to get the lights and locks fixed. Also, my temp tag is somehow missing, so I need a replacement for that.

Her name is Zoe. She gives me attitude. Jared's boat is Inara, and she was often towed by the late Kaylee (here I pause for a moment of silence in memory of my beloved truck, Kaylee) .......

Fuel economy is NICE. I still miss my truck though.

Since I had no vehicle, I missed Muay Thai, kickboxing, and jiujitsu until yesterday. And I noticed a few things.

1. When I don't work out, I get migraines. I don't get them as badly when I work out regularly.
2. My appetite increases and I crave junk food when I don't work out. When I DO work out, I crave healthy foods, and my appetite is lower. So I eat right. I lose weight. Good things.

And number three is the BIG ONE.

In week two of kickboxing, I stopped physical therapy. It wasn't working at all, and it costs between $80 and $120 a WEEK. Kickboxing is helping my hip tremendously, and it only costs me $65 a MONTH. It opens the hip up, keeps it moving, stretches it out, and keeps in limber. It stopped hurting ENTIRELY for THREE WEEKS.

Then I took three days off, because I had to. And I could barely walk. So, definitely getting back into the swing of training tomorrow. The trainer helped me take it a little bit easier yesterday, because the pain had me in tears. It's better today, but not perfect.

So I am up this morning with new vigor, I suppose. I went to this health fair and organic food festival on Saturday and I had a blast. I also got signed up on this great program for weight management and healthy living. So we're taking the plunge. We're going organic, and we're going green. Okay, we're going as close to green and organic as my budget can handle - and please note that it was VERY limited before I had to get a CAR. And those things aren't cheap. Even my cheap car wasn't cheap!!

So this morning, I am starting with a fabulous breakfast shake. Yeah, okay, so I am doing the liquid diet cleansing thing for a few days. I have many reasons for it. If nothing else, it tends to help me get my brain back on track for eating right, which I tend NOT to do when I am stressed out and depressed.

So my breakfast this morning consists of fresh, organic blueberries with some (omg vegan! glory!) protein powder and "greens and berries" drink mix. And water, of course. It's SO DELICIOUS. And it's very filling too. Wonders never cease!

Watch my blog if you are interested. I am working on writing some things about training when you are significantly overweight. By popular demand. Because I rock.

And everyone have a good week!

Let's Box, Baby.

2008-03-07T22:09:00.003-06:00

Do you remember the fun I was planning in November with the weight loss group? Well, I lost my internet connection, and I couldn't go through the challenge without it. That was sad.

But, things have calmed down in my life quite a lot. I am in GA, living with friends, working, and WORKING OUT. Jack's dad is leaving to work out of town for six months, so I've got him back full-time too. His paternal grandparents are helping with babysitting so I can work, and I have childcare at the gym when I am working out.

My ex told me that the working out was "being selfish" because it was time away from our son. But to me, well, it's just not. Yes, it's something I am doing FOR ME, but it isn't selfish. It's healthy. It's something I NEED to do. I NEED to lose weight, I NEED to get into good shape. I need to do it so that I will be around for our son for as many years as possible. I recently lost a dear friend who might still be alive except for the complications that came from obesity. I don't want to put my family through that.

So, I am on a great diet, and I am working out.
But I am not JUST working out.
You see, I am, obviously, a woman, and not a terribly big and imposing one. Walking down the street as a smallish, wussified girl makes me, frankly, an easy target for people who would do harm to, well, girls like me. I don't like that feeling. It's not exactly comforting. So, my workouts: I AM FIGHTING. Yes, you heard me right. I am boxing. I am also kickboxing and studying jiujitsu, and if I play my cards right, there are a couple of events this fall that I might be able to compete in! HOW COOL WOULD THAT BE?!?!?!

Also, I am officially in college! My classes start on Monday. So, here I am. Mom, student, housekeeper, volunteer pregnancy counselor, and super hot boxer girl.

Okay, I am working on the super hot thing.

Following is the boring rundown of my workouts this week. I think it's fun. You might. Or, you might just skip over it.

Oh! And Lisa, if you read this, I need some kickass low-fat vegetarian recipes, since I am coming up on Lent, and won't be eating any animals of any sort for six weeks. Major bonus points if any are kiddo-friendly :)

__________________________________________________________________

Day One: Bring the Pain

First boxing class. Fairly straightforward. I was going to start with Muay Thai, but I needed to go back to fighter-kindergarten and get the basic boxing down. Mostly punches. I have a wicked jab, if I say so myself :P

After boxing, I worked a little cardio at the gym. About 15 minutes on the elliptical.

___________________________________________________________________

Day Two: It Really Begins (Tuesday)

Day Two was INTENSE. An hour of regular boxing. And hour of cardio. And weights. Very intense day, especially being a little sore from the day before. My muscles ache a LOT. And I have a cold on top of it, so that doesn't help at all.

I got up and I went to the gym for thirty minutes on the elliptical. I ACTUALLY DID THIRTY FULL MINUTES ON THE ELLIPTICAL!! Then I went to work (cleaning houses). Then I had boxing for an hour in the late afternoon. After boxing, we went back to the gym for another thirty minutes on the elliptical and an insane amount of weight training. I only managed to get about halfway through the weights, but I will get there.

I became very very good friends with the hot tub we have at home after that. I think I sat in that bad boy for two hours....

Nutridiary has become my best friend. Breakfast and snacks are pretty straightforward these days. Interestingly enough, the combination of whey protein powder and slimfast powder in a coordinating flavor is pretty good. And for 58 grams of protein.... Yeah. Lunches and dinners are a little more interesting to try to plan though. I am supposed to get some obscene amounts of protein in a day, lots of fiber too. Easy enough this week, but next week, Lent starts in the Orthodox Church, and we don't eat meat or dairy for forty days. This could prove challenging.

__________________________________________________________________

Day Three (Wednesday): The Funny Joke Called "Taking It Easy"

Day three started with me going over to the gym. I was supposed to start jiujitsu that morning, but I fell yesterday and my leg was pretty sore. So the trainer wrapped it up and told me to take it easy today. "Be back at 5:00."

So, basically day three was a lot like day two. Hit the club at 5:00, run a little, shuffle a little, do some ab work, then hit the heavy bag. My punches are definitely improving. I can feel them getting better. My trainer says he can tell a HUGE difference. I need to work on my footwork in a big way, though. And I started working on the southpaw stance tonight to keep some of the weight off my right leg. That's pretty weak, but it's got to be better to start training to fight both ways early. That way i can do them both equally well in time.

More ab work.

To the speed bags. I am starting to get the rhythm of the speed bags. Lots of fun. I love those things, even if I have a hard time following them.

More ab work.

Then we hit the gym.
30 minutes on the elliptical
circuit training
10 minutes on the elliptical
some heavier upper-body weights
10 minutes on the elliptical

___________________________________________________________________

Day Four (Thursday): The Snafu

No boxing or jiujitsu. Spent the day at the ER getting treated for a staph infection instead. Fun times.

The lamest day ever? I gave up going to the Flogging Molly concert that I *REALLY* wanted to see in favor of boxing, and I skipped boxing to go to the stupid ER.

But now I have drugs and bandages, and the arm will heal. I can return to boxing immediately.

__________________________________________________________________

Day Five (Friday): Tapout!

So, day five WINS.

Got to the gym for boxing. I bought my second pair of gloves tonight. They double as hand/wrist wraps and grappling gloves (they can also be used for weight lifting. Good to know). Costly little buggers, but worth it. I am now officially FLAT BROKE.

Started with cardio. Jogging, shuffling, jumping rope. All the basics. Ab work was fun. We sit UP and then punch the tall bags. It works more of the abdominal muscles, but it doesn't feel as monotonous as just straight situps. Good stuff. I couldn't do any pushups or mountain climbers (EVIL THINGS!!!) because of the staph infection. It causes too much pain when I try to put weight on that arm. But the infection is getting much better, so that's excellent.

Worked standing strikes for half an hour. Jabs, crosses, and hooks. No upper cuts tonight, which is good, because I don't think the infected arm would have tolerated too many uppercuts.

Then we worked the basic kicks. I am way better with kicks than I figured I would be. They come easier to me than the punches. I guess I AM just more of an MMA girl after all. Spiffy.

I actually got in a little bit of sparring tonight. AND I GOT A HIT IN! Of course, I GOT hit more than I made contact, but I did manage to make contact!!!! Very exciting. Go me.

Then I went and worked my southpaw (left-handed) stance for a while. I am getting better at southpaw, which is good, because I really do want to have the versitility to fight from either position.

This is starting to get really fun. Tomorrow, I train from 10-2. Basic boxing, kickboxing, and jiujitsu!

Computer Issues

2007-11-11T01:15:00.000-06:00

I may be offline for a few days. My computer is getting fixed tomorrow. I need to wipe and reinstall, so we're upgrading to Vista. My friend says it may be done before Jack's party tomorrow evening, but it may take til Tuesday. Anyway, if you don't hear from me for a couple of days, that's why.

Packing is going.... it's slow and tedious, and I hate it, but it is coming along pretty well. I am almost done with the kitchen and living room. I am tracking down the rest of the yarn for the blanket I am making, so I can keep working on it as I get moved. There will be a merciful few days of down time between packing the truck on Sunday and moving into the new apartment on Friday. I am actually hoping that they let me unload the truck on Wednesday, so I can save a little bit of money on the UHaul and possibly get a little unpacking done. I won't have the power on til Friday, though. Then Monday, I start work and school.

Someone remind me to finish my fafsa and enrollment forms on Monday?

And now I am off to finish up the kitchen and living room, so I can have the place at least SOMEWHAT presentable for guests tomorrow. Ahh, at least they are all aware that I am in the middle of packing...

This is not goodbye.

2007-11-10T05:41:00.000-06:00

I was at dinner with Father Jim tonight, celebrating Jack's birthday, and we started talking, as we always do. We were talking about the fact that Jack and I are moving to Georgia. He mentioned all the wonderful, positive things about the move: Jack will have his father. I will have my parents and my old and very dear friends. I have employment lined up. I am starting school. My apartment is nicer and in a nicer neighborhood (and with no pet fee for Bella --or Crookshanks, if I decide to take him as well. We shall see.) We have more support there. There are more things to do at the church there. The larger city and better resources mean that the crisis dormitory can be opened sooner. There are a lot of perks, and he thinks I am making the right choice moving.

And then I started crying. Because I don't really WANT to move. For better or worse, this place has become my home. I love it here. Don't get me wrong, I hate most everything about this place -- mosquitoes that leave scars, blistering heat, crackhead neighbors, GATORS IN THE YARD, hurricanes, unemployment, very few friends, horrible schools, BLISTERING HEAT, blistering heat (and did I mention the blistering heat?), shady doctors. . .

But it's home, and I love it here.

Father Jim has a theory, and I think he's right. I have found something here that I have been searching for my whole life. I found my faith, and I found people who share it. And this community has been there through my pregnancy and my delivery. They were there when I brought Jack to church the first time last December. They were there for my chrismation in April. They were there for his baptism in May. On Sunday, they will be there for his first birthday, and they will all celebrate it as if we were part of their family, BECAUSE WE ARE.

As my sister and I pointed out in her blog the other day, I am a little odd. I have always been odd. I have always been on the outside looking in. I have never fit anywhere. Ever. Seriously. And then I showed up at the door of this small church for Pascha two years ago, two months pregnant and alone, and they welcomed me with open arms. And they never stopped.

When I told them I was pregnant and SINGLE, I really expected harsh judgment. But I got love and acceptance. I expected to be back on the outside, but they supported me, and they loved me, and then they loved my son. There have been times when I felt like I didn't fit in, but someone always unwittingly puts an end to those thoughts pretty quickly.

I love these people.

And then there's Jared. We met indirectly through a mutual friend (who was hundreds of miles away at the time!). His best friend was engaged to an old friend of mine. And when we realized this, we started talking. And then we started spending more and more time together -- so much so that he actually ended up losing a girlfriend over it! He got me through my pregnancy, and I helped get him through a rough patch in his life. Several months after my son was born, we started dating. We've talked about a future - marriage, children, and all that fun stuff. Georgia, though, is not in our future together.

I will miss Jared and Father Jim, and I will miss the connection I feel to the people at my church. And I will miss Miss Irene.

Miss Irene is this adorably sweet woman at church. She shares my last name, which was how we first bonded -- actually, her daughter and I have the SAME FULL NAME. Spelled the same way! Miss Irene is like everyone's grandmother, and she has seemed to be particularly fond of Jack. She is a wonderful woman. Just being around her makes me smile. I can't put my finger on just what it is about her that makes me love her like I do. I just do.

And as I got all teary, and after Father Jim blamed the food for it (ha!), he told me about this great little tradition that evidently exists in the Church - We don't say goodbye. Because this isn't goodbye.

And I think about all the near-goodbyes that I am dealing with right now, and knowing that I don't have to say them makes life a little easier.

Sure, I have been thinking about moving back for a while now, but the thing that made me act was the death of a very dear friend - a woman who was kind of like another mom to me, and very much like another grandmother to Jack. She leaves behind an autistic son, and there is nobody to care for him during the days while his father is at work. So I am moving back to do just that. I know she would have done the same for me.

It's just so hard to leave this place and all these crazy people. It's hard to pack my life into boxes and head back to the city I was raised in. It's strange to know that in two weeks I will be moving into a new and much better place and be so sad about it. I KNOW that this is the right choice for us. But why does doing the right thing have to feel like this? I know I am going back to my family, but I feel like I am leaving my family at the same time.

Plus, it will be really hard to break in a new Priest.

Bella....

2007-11-09T05:35:00.000-06:00

Well, I started writing this post last night, when I hadn't seen my cat in over 24 hours and was starting to get nervous. But I went outside this morning to hang the diapers to dry, and there was Miss Bella, staring at me, spazzing out, and begging for her breakfast.

She got cuddled til she couldn't stand it anymore.

Poor girl came home just in time to get fixed!

Fun With Drugs

2007-11-08T21:50:00.000-06:00

My own personal gift on the first birthday of my son: My mastitis is back again with a vengeance. I managed to catch my doctor about ten minutes before his office closed, and he called me in some antibiotics and pain medication, and I get to go see him in person tomorrow. So I am back to hot lavender compresses, antibiotics and diflucan, and more useless hydrocodone.

I really, really don't need this right now.

Happy Jack Day!!!

2007-11-08T13:42:00.000-06:00

Happy Birthday, my sweet little boy. Part of me can't believe it's been a WHOLE YEAR since he was born. My tiny little man is getting so big, He walks and talks (a little). He loves to wave bye bye and pet the kitty cat. He likes to play with his toys, read his books, watch Veggie Tales, and take naps. He loves chicken nuggets and fish sticks, and APPLE ANYTHING. And a year ago, he was so tiny.

The rest of me can't believe it's only been a year. I feel like I've known him forever. And now I know - I have loved him forever, and it only gets better as time goes by.

Happy birthday to my little bear. Mommy loves you.

I am changing my name to Suzie

2007-11-07T07:38:00.000-06:00

In a sudden burst of sleepless energy and miraculous mobility, I have made my humble kitchen all shiny and sparkly. Next stop: My living room, which will be much less work. Cleaning today, getting things ready for Jack's party on Sunday. My moving boxes should be here tomorrow, and then I am in for a fun day of packing and decluttering. THIS MOVE WILL BE ORGANIZED, OR MY NAME ISN'T SUZIE HOMEMAKER. With any luck, and tons of work, all that will be required when I move in is the unpacking of nicely organized boxes. Wish me luck. Pray for me if you pray. If you don't, please come help me pack!!

In other news, I have been testing out some recipes for Jack's birthday party. So far, things are going well. Since most of the guests are adults, I am doing a "grown up kid food" dinner for us. I made a garlic alfredo macaroni and cheese topped with asiago and mozzarella cheeses. That turned out REALLY well, and the recipe is entirely mine.

For dessert, I am making strawberry and mango muffincakes -- muffins that are sort of cakey, but lighter and healthier than cupcakes. I'll top them with blue whipped cream.

Now I am just trying to find a fun vegetable to go with everything.

Love Will Come To You

2007-11-07T04:40:00.000-06:00

Guess I wasn't the best one to ask
Me, myself, with my face pressed up against love's glass
To see the shiny toy I'd been hoping for
The one I never can afford
The wide world spins and spits turmoil
And the nations toil for peace
The paws of fear upon your chest
Only love can soothe that beast
And my words are paper tigers
No match for the predator of pain inside her
I say love will come to you
Hoping just because I spoke the words that they're true
As if I've offered up a crystal ball to look through
Where there's now one, there will be two

I was born under the sign of Cancer
Like brushing cloth, I smooth the wrinkles for an answer
And I'm always my eyes and wishing I'm fine
Even though I'm not this time
But I say love will come to you
Hoping just because I spoke the words that they're true
As if I've offered up a crystal ball to look through
Where there's now one, there will be two

Dodging your memories, a field of knives
Always on the outside looking in on others' lives
I say love will come to you
Hoping just because I spoke the words that they're true
As if I've offered up a crystal ball to look through
Where there's now one, there will be two

And I wish her insight to battle love's blindness
Strength from the milk of human kindness
A safe place for all the pieces that scattered
Learn to pretend there's more than love that matters

-Emily Saliers/Indigo Girls

Health, Weight, and Fun With Blogging

2007-11-07T03:49:00.000-06:00

In another blog forum, I am participating in a great challenge. It is a holiday fitness challenge in a blog community for people with a hundred pounds to lose. That's right, I have to lose a hundred pounds. A hundred and twelve, actually.

I have always been chubby, but I was doing really well a couple of years ago. Daily time in the gym plus a good diet, and I got down to a size 8-10. I didn't check the weight, because I was more focused on training to be an archery coach (and a good archer), but I had made some amazing progress.

The same day that I got into my size eight jeans, I went to the gynecologist for my sonohysterogram. Immediately after the doctor, I went back to the store to exchange my size 8 jeans for maternity pants. Long story short, my body is not happy with pregnancy hormones OR BEDREST, and no matter what I ate, I couldn't seem to keep my weight in check. I gained and gained. I don't even think I WANT to know exactly how much I weighed the day after I delivered Jack, but I know that, once the swelling went down, I wore a size TWENTY FOUR -- by far the LARGEST I have ever been in my life.

Hello, obesity. Technically, morbid obesity, with all of the chilling problems that it opens me up to. So I joined this community, and I have not been an active participant. So when I saw the holiday challenge, I jumped on it, and got in on the action. It's a biggest loser style team challenge , and I am on the green team.

Our first challenge is to come post our measurements or before picture or measurements. And since my digital camera is not working with my computer for some reason, I get to have fun with a tape measure tomorrow (UGH!). Our second challenge is to come up with three goals, and explain how we plan to achieve them.

Here's my three.
1 - Start getting some sort of daily exercise.

Now, here's where I could use some help. Let me explain:
I am disabled. When I was nine weeks pregnant, I had a small fall. The baby and I were fine, but I separated my pelvis. Throughout the pregnancy, with those wonderful hormones loosening joints in preparation for birth, the pelvis got worse. And now? It seems to be permanently damaged.

My hip hurts constantly, and I have a very hard time walking. Some days are better than others. Some days, I can almost forget that I am disabled. And then, there are the days when I can't put any weight on my leg at all. I walk with acane, and I have a prescription for a wheelchair (that I never bothered to pick up).

So, here's the advice I am looking for. There are some days when I can do some low-impact cardio stuff (I use prenatal videos, since those are designed to be a little easier on those lovely joints). There are days when I can do light yoga. I may never be able to do my beloved pilates again, since it is considered to be a VERY BAD THING to do pilates with pubis symphysis injuries. But WHAT can I do on the days when I can't use the leg? Any suggestions?

2. Stick to my diet program.
A good friend of mine is sort of a diet specialist, and is studying food science at the University of Tennessee. He set me up an awesome and very effective diet. It lets me lose weight while lowering my risk for some of the ickies that obese people are proneto WHILE GIVING ME EVERYTHING I NEED TO CONTINUE NURSING MY SON!

Great diet, this. Low-fat, lower-calorie, low carb, low sodium, low cholesterol, high fiber, high antioxidant, and high protein.

When I move back to Georgia, it should actually be easier to maintain this diet plan, since I will need less help with the rent and utilities, and will be able to get more help with groceries if I can't afford them all myself. I just need some good recipes that don't include any meat that isn't fish.

....I will miss my fisherman. *sigh*

3. SLEEP LIKE A PERSON, DAMN IT!
No, really. When the monster goes to bed, I stay up til all hours cleaning, cooking the next day's meals, and doing all sorts of other strange things. If I can't SLEEP, I should at least do something RELAXING, like reading a book or knitting or something.

Really, I just need to learn to manage my time better during the days and early evenings. This is going to be even more important when I get to Georgia, since I will be WORKING full time.

Our third challenge is to say something great about our appearance. What do we love about our looks?You know, I am still often complimented about the features I evidently got from my birthfather.

Why, yes, he IS very Irish, how did you guess? I have curly auburn hair and green eyes. I also have good skin (thanks, Seamus).

OLD NEWS. Seriously. OLD NEWS.

My thing? Let me just say that, as fat as I have gotten, I don't have fat-chick legs, and I still have a great butt. Okay. I said it. I have these awesome muscular legs and a butt that could crack walnuts. They're a little....fluffier than they used to be, but there is still a LOT of muscle there, and I have no cellulite. GO ME.

---------------

And if you're wondering, I am doing this for my son. I want to raise a healthy child who values things like a healthy meal and some good physical activity. I can't very well teach those if I don't live them, can I?

Time Flies

2007-11-06T07:24:00.000-06:00

This time last year, I was IN LABOR.

Wow.

The further joys of parenting a teething toddler.

2007-11-06T04:42:00.000-06:00

Bedtimes have been going so smoothly lately. Really, he does great, and has for a couple of months, minus the trip to Georgia last month, but that's hardly his fault. I don't sleep well in unfamiliar places either!

But tonight.....

He went down at 8:15. THANK YOU DAYLIGHT SAVINGS!!!

But he woke up at 10:00, was inconsolable until midnight, when he decided that it was most definitely NOT sleep time.

So we stayed up. I finally convinced him to go back to sleep at almost THREE AM.

I still have diapers to finish.

I may never sleep again.

Endless Possibilities, and Dreams That Come True

2007-11-06T02:05:00.000-06:00

You know you've gone and gotten boring when you are THRILLED BEYOND BELIEF at mundane things.

Seriously, though, since my piano was sold, my two biggest pleasures outside of Jack are books and crafting. And the two, well, they don't seem to mesh well, do they?

Then I got an mp3 player, FINALLY, and along with thirteen Billy Joel CDs and a near complete Indigo Girls discography, I have downloaded AUDIO BOOKS. Yes, now I can LISTEN to a good book while I knit a blanket and drink a cup of tea.

This is the life.

Now all I need is a manservant to come and clean for me and pack all of my belongings. If you see one, please send him my way.

Coffee and Fish Sticks??

2007-11-05T15:12:00.000-06:00

There is something just.....special about mornings with a teething toddler. He wants his mommy; he wants his "nummies;" he wants his pumpkin doll and his blocks. But the oddest of all, he wants his fish sticks while I drink my mid-morning cup of coffee.

I'm good with that. They're ready to go, just pop them in the nuker for thirty seconds, and they're ready for him to eat. So he can eat his fish sticks while I drink my coffee, and all is well.

And then he decides it's time to play his fun new game: FEED THE MOMMY. That's right. After a nice long sip of vanilla caramel flavored coffee, there is polluck in my face. Yum.

I think I am going to bake muffins tonight so he can have a MUFFIN for breakfast tomorrow. Having a half-chewed muffin shoved into my mouth sounds somewhat more appealing with coffee than a gnawed fish stick.

....kids........

What I want to be when I grow up

2007-11-05T02:21:00.000-06:00

A couple of years ago, on a trip to Georgia to visit my family and buy a car, I met my first real, live mother in crisis. She was seventeen and afraid she might be pregnant. We hit it off, and started talking a lot. I took her to the local crisis pregnancy center for a test, and eight short months later, my beautiful god-daughter was born.

And that, I suppose, is when I knew how much I love pregnant women. How much the scared ones need to be empowered to finish school and have fulfilling lives, whether they decide to parent their children or not.

I wondered what I could do to help, and thought briefly of volunteering with the pregnancy center, but then I came home and got on with my life. I spent hat summer having a couple of surgical procedures and a bit of a rainstorm (Katrina, anyone?). After the hurricane, my dad offered to come to Mississippi and pick me up so I didn't have to stay in the shelter. I refused every time he asked. Why? Staying here, I was able to actively help families that were impacted by the storm. There, all I would be able to do was watch the news and cry.

No, I didn't go out and rescue anyone or build anything. But I felt that what little I did was equally useful. I worked with the mothers and their young children. I babysat, I changed diapers, I gave bottles, I took the kids outside to play, and I gave the moms a chance to deal with their problems. And when I could, I gave the moms a shoulder to cry on too. I wondered if I could do more, but I ended up going to Georgia to have my "big" surgery.

A few months after the surgery, I found myself in a crisis pregnancy situation. And it's one I hadn't even thought of before, but now I realize that it happens every day, and to way too many women.

I was 25 years old, and pregnant with a child that I wanted more than I could ever say. I knew I wanted children. I've always wanted children. BUT NOT NOW! I was, and am still, uneducated and unmarried. The timing was horrible. The relationship was horrible. I was terrified.

I didn't know how I was even going to tell anyone. I will never forget what James said to me when I first told him. "Okay, did you still want to go for a walk?" I was shocked. I really actually expected him to be upset. But he handled it surprisingly well -- for a little bit. Then he asked me what I wanted to do.

What did he MEAN? Abortion was never an option for me. Not now. This was my child, and I loved him already. And adoption? No....

Please don't misunderstand me. I am a big fan of adoption. Really. A huge one. I am adopted myself, and I really do believe that adoption is the right answer for many women in crisis. It can be a wonderful thing. And if I were 15 or 16, it would have been the right thing for me. But I wasn't. I was 25, working, and still with the same man after five years. We could do this, couldn't we? THIS WAS MY CHILD, AND I LOVED HIM ALREADY!

And then he started. He offered to pay for an abortion. He told me that I wouldn't like being a single mother. He kept pushing and didn't want to talk about any other alternatives. And me? I wasn't willing to talk about THAT issue. I was so scared, and I felt so alone.

That was about when I called The Nurturing Network (and their signature green font that drives me crazy...) for some support.

And I still had to figure out how to tell my family.

But let's not get to that yet. You see, I had JUST had that surgery, and I was NOT supposed to get pregnant for AT LEAST a year (preferably 18 months or longer) because of the enormous risk of uterine rupture, miscarriage, and other very bad things. And I was afraid of what my parents would say when I told them, so I just put it off until we were out of the biggest danger zone: The Miscarriage Zone.

I went for the anatomy scan on a Monday in July. It's a BOY. A BOY! My SON! He waved at me and played for me. My God, he was so perfect! I loved him so much. I took the pictures to WalMart and had copies made for James. You see, I wanted him to understand part of what I was feeling at least. So I found him a picture frame and a gift bag, and I put everything together for him.

He was working late all week, and I was exhausted from overnight babysitting, so I didn't get to give him his present. But we had plans for Saturday, and since I was not going to have to babysit ALL night that night, I was looking forward to it.

And then I came home.
And I couldn't get in.
Because there was another woman there.

And the next day, I went into labor for the first time. That was hell. Seriously. The on-call obstetrician was convinced that this was IT. He was so convinced that, even before he gave me the shot to mature Jack's lungs and the shot to hopefully stop the labor, he had called Life Flight to take me to Emory University Hospital in Atlanta, for their NICU, because nobody on the Coast has the technology to handle a micropreemie.

That night was awful. I was alone, in the hospital, in preterm labor. Nobody was with me. James wouldn't come, and nobody else even knew.

Long story short, we got the labor stopped and I was put on bedrest. Not such a huge lifestyle change, since my pelvis separated at nine weeks, and I could barely walk by this point anyway.

But bedrest isn't exactly easy when there's nobody there to help you. James was always off with this new girl (who did not know I was pregnant, by the way), and I had to shop, cook, and clean for myself.

I finally told my parents some time in August. And their reaction? Not good at all. Neither one would accept that I had already made up my mind to raise him. My father talked to me at length about why I shouldn't. I know he was trying to help, but that really hurt. My mother? She told me I had "no right to do that to an innocent child."

I felt even more alone.

James didn't tell his family until the day before our son was born.

So I spent my pregnancy alone and afraid. Everyone came around when he was born. James decided to get involved when I was in labor at term (okay, postdates!), and my parents love Jack now, though I am sure they still think I made the wrong choice for him. The thing is, I DON'T.

This year has been incredibly difficult, but it has been incredibly amazing. I start school in three weeks, and I am majoring in human services management. I will have my associate's degree in about 15 months, and then I am going to get my bachelor's in social work. Eventually, I will get a master's, too.

What do I want to be when I grow up? Well, I want to change the world. No, really. I don't expect to change the whole world, but it would be nice. I want to open a home for women who are where I have been. I want to provide them with a safe and loving environment -- somewhere where they can have their babies, continue their educations, and get useful life and parenting skills. I want to give women what nobody gave me - the ability to enjoy pregnancy, birth, and the first year or so of their children's lives.

THAT'S what I want to be when I grow up. That, and the best mother I can be.

Countdown to Jack's Birthday: THREE DAYS!

2007-11-05T01:22:00.000-06:00

Wow. Three days. I have no idea what we are going to do for his birthday. I just know that the party is going to be on Sunday afternoon at my house. Probably around 6:30 or so, to give Jack and Father Jim both time to take their PLNs (Post-Liturgical Nap, a brilliant thing), me time to get things ready, and Kelli and Jared time to get here (though if I have it my way, Jared will already BE HERE, since I am supposed to have him reserved every weekend until I move).

I also have no idea what I am giving him for his birthday. I was going to be clever and giftwrap two medium Huggabuns, but I have a feeling we will need them before Sunday, since the diapers take forever to dry and most of them are soaking now (to be washed). One thing I will say about moving to GA is that it will be REALLY NICE to have a washing machine again, even if I have to rent-to-own!!

Renting to own? What?? Okay, under most circumstances, I DO NOT believe in doing the rent-to-own furniture thing. It ends up costing more, and you shouldn't buy what you can't afford, right? Right. Totally. Except that I absolutely cannot be without a washer and dryer anymore. It won't be convenient to take stuff to the parents' house, since I will be away from Jack enough for work anyway. Plus, I do have to do a load of diapers pretty much daily, and I don't want to have to stay out to do them. I could take them to work, but their washer and dryer are like the ones James and I had -- very few settings. I end up having to wash diapers three or four times, and I can't dry my Huggabuns and Fuzzi Bunz on the high setting (all they have) without messing them up. And I need a set anyway. It's a lot easier to come up with $40 a month than to come up with the cost of a set all at once. So, I am going to very seriously look into it.

And now we have more fears about moving. I have not been away from Jack for more than a few hours every few days IN HIS LIFE. I've tried to go back to work, but I haven't been able. There's this little problem of having to get somebody to watch him for me to go on job interviews, which I can never seem to work out. Then there's the daycare issue. That s__t's EXPENSIVE. But things will work out better in GA. While I am working, James and his godmother are going to watch Jack. James will watch him when he is not at work (and he has no job yet....), and Sharron will watch him the rest of the time. Not having to pay for daycare, AND being able to leave him with someone who will use our cloth diapers and respect our dietary restrictions? THIS IS A GOOD THING. Bonus points? She's Catholic, and is able to teach him about our faith as he gets older, as the Catholic and Orthodox Churches are, to quote Father Jim, "more similar than different." I just have to get her used to helping him make his cross (we go right to left instead of left to right).

But I have separation anxiety in the worst way.

I am also a little afraid of ALL THE STAIRS IN GA. Seriously, that place is like a city of hills and stairs. I have a hard enough time walking on flat surfaces!! Good news? I will at least have a parking permit there, which I don't have here. And I am just a week away from being able to file for disability. I don't think I will get approved, since most people DON'T on their first application, but at least I can TRY now, right?

Speaking of moving and mobility issues, this packing and unpacking thing scares me. Seriously, I don't have much mobility at all these days, but I have to pack my entire apartment BY MYSELF while taking care of a toddler? This is overwhelming. At least unpacking, I will have some help (TRACY, THIS MEANS YOU!!!!)

There are so many good reasons to move back to Georgia, so why do I keep harping on everything I am giving up to do it? I have no job, no money, and no real help here, and I will have all of that there. But I have to leave my priest, a couple of very good friends, and JARED. And with everything else going on in my head right now, that almost seems too much.

I should touch on "everything else in my head," huh? Next post, perhaps.

Countdown to Jack's Birthday: FOUR DAYS

2007-11-04T18:26:00.001-06:00

Well, they say time flies when you're having fun. I guess that's what this is. Fun, games, kisses, cuddles, and a whole lot of work!

Two years ago, I could not even imagine the life I have today. I remember the day - the Monday before Thanksgiving 2005 pretty vividly. I was going in to have my uterus reconstructed for many reasons, one of which was that if I did it, I MIGHT be able to have children in some distant and unimaginable future. On the other hand, it might not work, my uterine problems might get worse, and they might have to take the whole thing out before I turned 25.

If you are here, I guess you already know that I was very definitely able to have at least one child. Of course, the discovery of that ability was rather surprising. I went to the doctor for my last battery of post-op tests. I needed a sonohysterogram to make sure everything was alright after the reconstruction and hemorrhaging that followed it. When I went in for that test, they did a blood test for pregnancy just in case. I did not have the shg, but instead got set up for the first ultrasound of my pregnancy.

And now? Well, he's going to be ONE on THURSDAY! I can't believe how time has just flown by. My tiny little baby is.... NOT! He walks and talks and wreaks all SORTS of havoc all over my apartment.

And yes, it is hard at times (okay, MOST times), but we're still here, and we're still together, and that's got to count, right?