Computer Issues

I may be offline for a few days. My computer is getting fixed tomorrow. I need to wipe and reinstall, so we're upgrading to Vista. My friend says it may be done before Jack's party tomorrow evening, but it may take til Tuesday. Anyway, if you don't hear from me for a couple of days, that's why.

Packing is going.... it's slow and tedious, and I hate it, but it is coming along pretty well. I am almost done with the kitchen and living room. I am tracking down the rest of the yarn for the blanket I am making, so I can keep working on it as I get moved. There will be a merciful few days of down time between packing the truck on Sunday and moving into the new apartment on Friday. I am actually hoping that they let me unload the truck on Wednesday, so I can save a little bit of money on the UHaul and possibly get a little unpacking done. I won't have the power on til Friday, though. Then Monday, I start work and school.

Someone remind me to finish my fafsa and enrollment forms on Monday?

And now I am off to finish up the kitchen and living room, so I can have the place at least SOMEWHAT presentable for guests tomorrow. Ahh, at least they are all aware that I am in the middle of packing...

This is not goodbye.

I was at dinner with Father Jim tonight, celebrating Jack's birthday, and we started talking, as we always do. We were talking about the fact that Jack and I are moving to Georgia. He mentioned all the wonderful, positive things about the move: Jack will have his father. I will have my parents and my old and very dear friends. I have employment lined up. I am starting school. My apartment is nicer and in a nicer neighborhood (and with no pet fee for Bella --or Crookshanks, if I decide to take him as well. We shall see.) We have more support there. There are more things to do at the church there. The larger city and better resources mean that the crisis dormitory can be opened sooner. There are a lot of perks, and he thinks I am making the right choice moving.

And then I started crying. Because I don't really WANT to move. For better or worse, this place has become my home. I love it here. Don't get me wrong, I hate most everything about this place -- mosquitoes that leave scars, blistering heat, crackhead neighbors, GATORS IN THE YARD, hurricanes, unemployment, very few friends, horrible schools, BLISTERING HEAT, blistering heat (and did I mention the blistering heat?), shady doctors. . .

But it's home, and I love it here.

Father Jim has a theory, and I think he's right. I have found something here that I have been searching for my whole life. I found my faith, and I found people who share it. And this community has been there through my pregnancy and my delivery. They were there when I brought Jack to church the first time last December. They were there for my chrismation in April. They were there for his baptism in May. On Sunday, they will be there for his first birthday, and they will all celebrate it as if we were part of their family, BECAUSE WE ARE.

As my sister and I pointed out in her blog the other day, I am a little odd. I have always been odd. I have always been on the outside looking in. I have never fit anywhere. Ever. Seriously. And then I showed up at the door of this small church for Pascha two years ago, two months pregnant and alone, and they welcomed me with open arms. And they never stopped.

When I told them I was pregnant and SINGLE, I really expected harsh judgment. But I got love and acceptance. I expected to be back on the outside, but they supported me, and they loved me, and then they loved my son. There have been times when I felt like I didn't fit in, but someone always unwittingly puts an end to those thoughts pretty quickly.

I love these people.

And then there's Jared. We met indirectly through a mutual friend (who was hundreds of miles away at the time!). His best friend was engaged to an old friend of mine. And when we realized this, we started talking. And then we started spending more and more time together -- so much so that he actually ended up losing a girlfriend over it! He got me through my pregnancy, and I helped get him through a rough patch in his life. Several months after my son was born, we started dating. We've talked about a future - marriage, children, and all that fun stuff. Georgia, though, is not in our future together.

I will miss Jared and Father Jim, and I will miss the connection I feel to the people at my church. And I will miss Miss Irene.

Miss Irene is this adorably sweet woman at church. She shares my last name, which was how we first bonded -- actually, her daughter and I have the SAME FULL NAME. Spelled the same way! Miss Irene is like everyone's grandmother, and she has seemed to be particularly fond of Jack. She is a wonderful woman. Just being around her makes me smile. I can't put my finger on just what it is about her that makes me love her like I do. I just do.

And as I got all teary, and after Father Jim blamed the food for it (ha!), he told me about this great little tradition that evidently exists in the Church - We don't say goodbye. Because this isn't goodbye.

And I think about all the near-goodbyes that I am dealing with right now, and knowing that I don't have to say them makes life a little easier.

Sure, I have been thinking about moving back for a while now, but the thing that made me act was the death of a very dear friend - a woman who was kind of like another mom to me, and very much like another grandmother to Jack. She leaves behind an autistic son, and there is nobody to care for him during the days while his father is at work. So I am moving back to do just that. I know she would have done the same for me.

It's just so hard to leave this place and all these crazy people. It's hard to pack my life into boxes and head back to the city I was raised in. It's strange to know that in two weeks I will be moving into a new and much better place and be so sad about it. I KNOW that this is the right choice for us. But why does doing the right thing have to feel like this? I know I am going back to my family, but I feel like I am leaving my family at the same time.

Plus, it will be really hard to break in a new Priest.

Bella....

Well, I started writing this post last night, when I hadn't seen my cat in over 24 hours and was starting to get nervous. But I went outside this morning to hang the diapers to dry, and there was Miss Bella, staring at me, spazzing out, and begging for her breakfast.

She got cuddled til she couldn't stand it anymore.

Poor girl came home just in time to get fixed!

Fun With Drugs

My own personal gift on the first birthday of my son: My mastitis is back again with a vengeance. I managed to catch my doctor about ten minutes before his office closed, and he called me in some antibiotics and pain medication, and I get to go see him in person tomorrow. So I am back to hot lavender compresses, antibiotics and diflucan, and more useless hydrocodone.

I really, really don't need this right now.

Happy Jack Day!!!

Happy Birthday, my sweet little boy. Part of me can't believe it's been a WHOLE YEAR since he was born. My tiny little man is getting so big, He walks and talks (a little). He loves to wave bye bye and pet the kitty cat. He likes to play with his toys, read his books, watch Veggie Tales, and take naps. He loves chicken nuggets and fish sticks, and APPLE ANYTHING. And a year ago, he was so tiny.

The rest of me can't believe it's only been a year. I feel like I've known him forever. And now I know - I have loved him forever, and it only gets better as time goes by.

Happy birthday to my little bear. Mommy loves you.

I am changing my name to Suzie

In a sudden burst of sleepless energy and miraculous mobility, I have made my humble kitchen all shiny and sparkly. Next stop: My living room, which will be much less work. Cleaning today, getting things ready for Jack's party on Sunday. My moving boxes should be here tomorrow, and then I am in for a fun day of packing and decluttering. THIS MOVE WILL BE ORGANIZED, OR MY NAME ISN'T SUZIE HOMEMAKER. With any luck, and tons of work, all that will be required when I move in is the unpacking of nicely organized boxes. Wish me luck. Pray for me if you pray. If you don't, please come help me pack!!

In other news, I have been testing out some recipes for Jack's birthday party. So far, things are going well. Since most of the guests are adults, I am doing a "grown up kid food" dinner for us. I made a garlic alfredo macaroni and cheese topped with asiago and mozzarella cheeses. That turned out REALLY well, and the recipe is entirely mine.

For dessert, I am making strawberry and mango muffincakes -- muffins that are sort of cakey, but lighter and healthier than cupcakes. I'll top them with blue whipped cream.

Now I am just trying to find a fun vegetable to go with everything.

Love Will Come To You

Guess I wasn't the best one to ask
Me, myself, with my face pressed up against love's glass
To see the shiny toy I'd been hoping for
The one I never can afford
The wide world spins and spits turmoil
And the nations toil for peace
The paws of fear upon your chest
Only love can soothe that beast
And my words are paper tigers
No match for the predator of pain inside her
I say love will come to you
Hoping just because I spoke the words that they're true
As if I've offered up a crystal ball to look through
Where there's now one, there will be two

I was born under the sign of Cancer
Like brushing cloth, I smooth the wrinkles for an answer
And I'm always my eyes and wishing I'm fine
Even though I'm not this time
But I say love will come to you
Hoping just because I spoke the words that they're true
As if I've offered up a crystal ball to look through
Where there's now one, there will be two

Dodging your memories, a field of knives
Always on the outside looking in on others' lives
I say love will come to you
Hoping just because I spoke the words that they're true
As if I've offered up a crystal ball to look through
Where there's now one, there will be two

And I wish her insight to battle love's blindness
Strength from the milk of human kindness
A safe place for all the pieces that scattered
Learn to pretend there's more than love that matters


-Emily Saliers/Indigo Girls

Health, Weight, and Fun With Blogging

In another blog forum, I am participating in a great challenge. It is a holiday fitness challenge in a blog community for people with a hundred pounds to lose. That's right, I have to lose a hundred pounds. A hundred and twelve, actually.

I have always been chubby, but I was doing really well a couple of years ago. Daily time in the gym plus a good diet, and I got down to a size 8-10. I didn't check the weight, because I was more focused on training to be an archery coach (and a good archer), but I had made some amazing progress.

The same day that I got into my size eight jeans, I went to the gynecologist for my sonohysterogram. Immediately after the doctor, I went back to the store to exchange my size 8 jeans for maternity pants. Long story short, my body is not happy with pregnancy hormones OR BEDREST, and no matter what I ate, I couldn't seem to keep my weight in check. I gained and gained. I don't even think I WANT to know exactly how much I weighed the day after I delivered Jack, but I know that, once the swelling went down, I wore a size TWENTY FOUR -- by far the LARGEST I have ever been in my life.

Hello, obesity. Technically, morbid obesity, with all of the chilling problems that it opens me up to. So I joined this community, and I have not been an active participant. So when I saw the holiday challenge, I jumped on it, and got in on the action. It's a biggest loser style team challenge , and I am on the green team.

Our first challenge is to come post our measurements or before picture or measurements. And since my digital camera is not working with my computer for some reason, I get to have fun with a tape measure tomorrow (UGH!). Our second challenge is to come up with three goals, and explain how we plan to achieve them.

Here's my three.
1 - Start getting some sort of daily exercise.

Now, here's where I could use some help. Let me explain:
I am disabled. When I was nine weeks pregnant, I had a small fall. The baby and I were fine, but I separated my pelvis. Throughout the pregnancy, with those wonderful hormones loosening joints in preparation for birth, the pelvis got worse. And now? It seems to be permanently damaged.

My hip hurts constantly, and I have a very hard time walking. Some days are better than others. Some days, I can almost forget that I am disabled. And then, there are the days when I can't put any weight on my leg at all. I walk with acane, and I have a prescription for a wheelchair (that I never bothered to pick up).

So, here's the advice I am looking for. There are some days when I can do some low-impact cardio stuff (I use prenatal videos, since those are designed to be a little easier on those lovely joints). There are days when I can do light yoga. I may never be able to do my beloved pilates again, since it is considered to be a VERY BAD THING to do pilates with pubis symphysis injuries. But WHAT can I do on the days when I can't use the leg? Any suggestions?

2. Stick to my diet program.
A good friend of mine is sort of a diet specialist, and is studying food science at the University of Tennessee. He set me up an awesome and very effective diet. It lets me lose weight while lowering my risk for some of the ickies that obese people are proneto WHILE GIVING ME EVERYTHING I NEED TO CONTINUE NURSING MY SON!

Great diet, this. Low-fat, lower-calorie, low carb, low sodium, low cholesterol, high fiber, high antioxidant, and high protein.

When I move back to Georgia, it should actually be easier to maintain this diet plan, since I will need less help with the rent and utilities, and will be able to get more help with groceries if I can't afford them all myself. I just need some good recipes that don't include any meat that isn't fish.

....I will miss my fisherman. *sigh*

3. SLEEP LIKE A PERSON, DAMN IT!
No, really. When the monster goes to bed, I stay up til all hours cleaning, cooking the next day's meals, and doing all sorts of other strange things. If I can't SLEEP, I should at least do something RELAXING, like reading a book or knitting or something.

Really, I just need to learn to manage my time better during the days and early evenings. This is going to be even more important when I get to Georgia, since I will be WORKING full time.




Our third challenge is to say something great about our appearance. What do we love about our looks?You know, I am still often complimented about the features I evidently got from my birthfather.

Why, yes, he IS very Irish, how did you guess? I have curly auburn hair and green eyes. I also have good skin (thanks, Seamus).

OLD NEWS. Seriously. OLD NEWS.

My thing? Let me just say that, as fat as I have gotten, I don't have fat-chick legs, and I still have a great butt. Okay. I said it. I have these awesome muscular legs and a butt that could crack walnuts. They're a little....fluffier than they used to be, but there is still a LOT of muscle there, and I have no cellulite. GO ME.

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And if you're wondering, I am doing this for my son. I want to raise a healthy child who values things like a healthy meal and some good physical activity. I can't very well teach those if I don't live them, can I?

Time Flies

This time last year, I was IN LABOR.

Wow.

The further joys of parenting a teething toddler.

Bedtimes have been going so smoothly lately. Really, he does great, and has for a couple of months, minus the trip to Georgia last month, but that's hardly his fault. I don't sleep well in unfamiliar places either!

But tonight.....

He went down at 8:15. THANK YOU DAYLIGHT SAVINGS!!!

But he woke up at 10:00, was inconsolable until midnight, when he decided that it was most definitely NOT sleep time.

So we stayed up. I finally convinced him to go back to sleep at almost THREE AM.

I still have diapers to finish.

I may never sleep again.